Motherhood
by chipmunk1313
Summary: Please God don't be positive, Oh God please don't be positive, Barbara Gordon silently pleaded to whoever was listening to her silent yet loud pray. She sat there thinking what decisions she took throughout her life that led her to this moment. Beep! Beep! Beep! Barbara's breath hitched as she glanced down at her hand and gasped


**A/N: YEAH HEY ITS BEEN A LONG TIME HUH ANYWAY HERE'S A NEW STORY THAT'S BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A REALLY LONG TIME JUST HAVEN'T HAD THE TIME TO UPDATE AND ABOUT MY OTHER STORY **_**KEEPING IT PROFESSIONAL **_**ANOTHER YJ STORY YEAH BAD NEWS IT'S ON HIATUS (JUST UNTIL I FIND MY NOTEBOOK WITH THAT STORY ON IT) WELL HOPE U GUYS LIKE THIS ONE ENJOY**

**WALMART, GOTHAM CITY **

**JANUARY 17, 2017 4:08PM**

_Please God don't be positive, Oh God please don't be positive, _Barbara Gordon silently pleaded to whoever was listening to her silent yet loud plea.

She was sitting in a cheap, graffiti filled restroom at Wal-Mart.

Her knees were trembling but not from the cold temperature in the room but because she was anxious? Nervous? Worried? Scared?

Well she had no idea what she was feeling right now as she waited impatiently for the stick in her hand to show a tiny blue negative sign…or a tiny pink positive sign.

Barbara bit her bottom lip to a point where she could've drawn blood but with how fast her heart was beating she just didn't give a damn about how much it was hurting.

She looked down at her trembling hand with the stick-

Nothing.

According to the instructions on the back of the box she has to wait about 5 minutes for it to have a result, showing blue…or pink.

So right now she was just waiting for her phone to ring signaling that 5 minutes have past.

Apparently 5 minutes decided to go against her because it felt as if centuries were going by instead of minutes.

_Okay Gordon if you keep focusing on the goddamn stick time is never going to fly by, _Barbara angrily scolded herself for her lack of patience (she's never been really patient now that she thought about it).

_Focus on... on…focus on the…graffiti? Yeah focus on the graffiti, _Barbara happily cried in her head thankful she discovered something to focus on other than the stick to choose a damn color.

She began observing the room around her just trying to get her mind of things (the stick), she discovered that the stall was filled with pictures of heart or other weird sexual reference pictures, or some messages could be seen, like:

**Jenna is a bitch**

**I hope Mike gets hit by a bus**

**I *heart* Carlos**

**Sally+Keven= Soul mates**

Barbara let out a chuckle clearly enjoying how this was distracting her and some messages were clearly hilarious.

**Terry Smith is a freaking dick**

Barbara couldn't help but laugh at the one remembering that in high school she thought the same thing about her then boyfriend after she found out he cheated on her with some cheerleader (cliché right?).

Barbara was lost in memories just remembering and wondering what decisions she took throughout her life that possibly could've landed her in this situation: sitting on a dirty toilet with her pants on after she peed on the stick and waiting for that stick to show a simple goddamn color.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Barbara breath hitched, her heart stopped and she felt the whole world around her just freeze.

This is it; this is the moment Barbara has been waiting for since she got to Wal-Mart's restroom stalls. She slowly looked down to the stick and gasped.

It was a tiny blue negative sign.

Barbara threw her head back in pure and utter relief.

She didn't know how long she just sat there enjoying the sensation about not being pregnant because it's not that Barbara didn't want to be pregnant (actually she didn't want to pregnant) but right now was just not the right time for pregnancy.

With the JLA and The Team still cleaning up the mess with the Reach, Wally almost dying, and with collage Barbara thought having a kid at this moment would just not work out too good.

Not to mention her father would flip, Bruce would go all Daddy-Bats on her, Gotham would most likely celebrate or shun her, she would be benched (fired) from being Batgirl, and she was only 19 years old.

That and the idea of being a mother scared- no actually terrified her.

She lost her own mother in car accident when she was maybe 7,8 years old, so she grew up without a mother figure in her life.

Not that Barbara minded her father tried his best to always be there for her, whether it means going to her plays, gymnastic routines, or anything else that involves a crowd Barbara could always count on her father being somewhere in the audience cheering her on.

He was always there to support her, love her and be the best father he can for her, even if the chances coming home were slim with being the Police Commissioner for Gotham City.

He truly did try to be both a father figure for her and on some occasions a mother figure for her.

Bruce was the same case.

Besides being her mentor and childhood hero Bruce also happened to be a second father figure to her.

He taught her, trained her and spoke words of wisdom to her when she needed to hear them.

Both of them believed in her, encouraged her to continue fighting even if she thinks she can't continue anymore, trusted her with vital information and on several occasions…with their lives.

So that's why on every Father's Day Barbara makes sure not to honor just one father but both fathers as a special thank you to them for all they've done for her throughout the years.

That was also another reason why she can't handle being a mom right now because that'll mean years of hard work to gain their trust and respect (well mostly on Bruce's part but she still had to gain trust and respect some point in her life from both of them) would be for nothing because she knew if she was pregnant (which thank God she's not) they would be disappointed in her as to why she let something like this happen.

She could name a thousand reasons why being a mother would be a horrible idea: she was 19 years old, she wasn't married, she was Batgirl, she has no experience with kids, but above all the reasons, excuses, and possibly even beliefs… fear is what stood out from the rest.

Fear the she wouldn't be enough, fear that she was a failure, and fear of something depending- no _**needing **_you every step of their journey that absolutely _**terrified **_Barbara.

Being a mother required a lot of patience, hard work and of course love.

Things that Barbara wasn't sure she can…give.

Like she said she grew up without a mother and no matter how much her father, or Bruce, or heck even Alfred were there for her they could never be there like a mother was there for their child.

Sure there was some woman in her life that she could maybe consider a mother figure: Dinah, Diana; or hell sometime _Selina_ fit that compartment.

But that was the thing they were _considered_ mother figures, so yeah Dinah gave her amazing training advice and was always there for her… like a big sister would be, Diana actually fir the mother compartment a little better than Dinah because Diana was always there to give much appreciated girl advice, push her beyond her limits (more than Bruce) and to remind her that just because she's female doesn't make her less, and Selina… well Selina was the bravest to inform Barbara about boys.. and how to…control ones hormones around them…in short words Selina was the one to give Barbara "The Talk", well actually Bruce tried to but it just got to awkward with him trying to explain the concept because he was a guy and well Barbara walked out when he began talking about how to start it…Barbara was scarred from that moment.

And she truly did appreciate all 3 of them but no matter what…they weren't her mom.

Barbara either out of fear or maybe even lack of trust could never go up to either of them and talk about which guys she thought were cut/hot, advice on guys; how to act around them without looking like a complete fool or how to get one of them interested in you.

Other advice Barbara couldn't ask for without feeling embarrassed or even ashamed was; what to do if you have pimple or zits on your face, how to correctly apply makeup on herself without looking like Joker, how to put together the perfect outfit for her first date, how to deal with your first heartbreak, what to do when you're in your period, what to do when a guy's interested in you but you're interested in someone else, or how to be…yourself.

Growing up without a mother is something painful because you always think on what could've been, or all the memories you could've shared with, with the woman who brought you into this world happily.

How would've all those memories turned out when the woman who gave birth to you, raised you and loved you were in them?

No matter how much Barbara wished upon a star to get her own mother back to share memories, memories like: getting her first crush, watching horror or action movies after her first breakup, getting ones period for the first time and having your mother standing at the doorway looking proud while trying to reassure you that it's normal for a woman to bleed for 3 days once a month, embarrass you when they show your baby pictures to your boyfriend after you decide to bring him home (which you never will again), teach her how to drive, give her "The Talk" (without using examples, thank you Bruce for the nightmare) tell you you're all grown up at you high school graduation and when you graduate collage, give you advice on who to vote on, be there for when you announce that you're engaged, threaten her to-be-husband to be the best husband he can or else there will be consequences, be right there in the first aisle watching her little baby girl get marry and finally setting her free, and of course give advice to her when and if she decides to have little ones…but no matter how much Barbara wishes that's something she know will _**never **_ come true.

That's part of the reason why Barbara was so adamant she become Batgirl so she could make sure another little girl doesn't go through the same pain Barbara went through without her mother.

Suddenly "Hero" by Skillet began blasting through the stall and because it was remote quiet it sounded as though World War lll just blasted through the restroom.

She quickly took out her phone from her pocket and flipped it open (yes she was the Commissioner's daughter/Batgirl and she owned a flip phone…not a Black berry, or a Smart phone or even a Samsung Galaxy but a Virgin Mobile flip phone…it was sad huh).

"Hello?" Barbara answered trying not to sound to hoarse or raspy because she felt her throat dry and she silently wiped some tears away that she had no idea when she shed them but she did.

"Barbara? Barbara that you?" the unmistakable voice of Zatanna Zatara asked through the 5 year old flip phone (very sad).

"Hey Zee what's up?" Barbara said trying to sound cheerful and not let her glumness sound through the phone.

"Barbara where the hell are you? We're all at the Bridal Shop except you," Zatanna hissed through the phone.

Barbara groaned placing one hand on her forehead rubbing it while the other held the phone to her ear.

How could she have forgotten? She was supposed to meet up with Zatanna, Bette, M'gann and Artemis at some Bridal Shop in uptown Gotham to look for Brides maids dresses and Artemis' wedding dress (yes Artemis was getting married and you probably know to who).

"Well?" Zatanna pressured through the phone obviously not very pleased with Barbara's silence.

"I'm at Wal-Mart, look Zee I'll be there in like 15 okay bye," Barbara tiredly clicked off the phone before the magician could protest.

Barbara sighed as she got up from the toilet seat, flushed it, opened the tiny trash can with her foot (no she was not a germophobe, she just didn't like germs) and threw the pregnancy test in without another word.

She began running her hand through her simple black jeans and shirt.

Once she was done she slowly opened her stall and peeked around to make sure no one was there, surprisingly the restroom stalls remained empty throughout the whole ordeal.

She casually made her way to the sinks and began washing her hands.

_You're not pregnant, _Barbara though to herself repeating it in her head like a mantra.

But something felt wrong and…depressing in that 3 worded sentence.

Barbara couldn't help but feel saddened at the statement…maybe being pregnant wouldn't' be such a bad idea-NO-

"You're not pregnant," Barbara whispered to herself reminding herself that motherhood just wasn't right for her.

Taking a deep breath Barbara looked at her reflection in the mirror over the sinks, she wasn't Princess Ariel gorgeous but she wasn't Carrot head hideous either she looked rather average.

"You're not pregnant," Barbara reminded herself and swallowed whatever hope, thought and or idea on the matter.

With that she walked out of the restroom without another thought on her false pregnancy shock.

Closing the door behind her, she excelled a breath of air trying to put the memory in the back of her and just move on with her life and not let this get to her…to much.

So pasting a false yet not so false smile on her face she walked over to the checkout area where she left her bag when she went to the bathroom, which her bag only contained toilet paper, toothpaste and the pregnancy test to which Barbara for God knows what reason decided to keep it because who knows maybe it'll come in handy in the near future.

"Here you are ma'am," A checkout lady said handing Barbara her bag with a nice warm smile.

"Thank you…Kelly" Barbara replied looking at the name tag over the typical Wal-Mart uniform.

Kelly flashed Barbara a large toothy smile and from what Barbara just went through the smile was truly appreciated.

Barbara turned her head slightly to find a man maybe in his late 20's or early 30's without a doubt checking her out.

He looked at her like she was some kind of meal which Barbara usually ignores but it was when he licked his lips that Barbara got pissed.

It wasn't because he was ugly which he was far away from being but from what she just went through a relationship was the last thing on her mind, so before hot Wal-Mart guys could make a move on her, Barbara quickly left the store.

_Okay so what did I have to do? _Barbara thought as she stood looking around the parking lot, raising a hand to cover her eyes from the bright sunshine which was odd at this time of year in Gotham.

_Right I have to go to the Bridal Shop to-oh look a puppy! _Barbara silently 'awwed' as a woman with a small Yorkshire walked past her.

Barbara with an adoringly look in her eyes stared after the puppy before her eyes widened in horror as to what she just did.

Now normally Barbara Gordon does not 'aww' after a puppy but for some strange reason the sight of a puppy made her drool like girls would drool over a shirtless Channing Tatum (not that Barbara complained because he was defiantly on her Top 10 hottest guys list along with Bradley Cooper and Leonardo DiCaprio).

_God I would think I was pregnant but thank God I proved that theory wrong, _Barbara thought rather confused by her behavior.

_Maybe I'm getting old, _Barbara thought but quickly shook her head because like other woman she does not like thinking about her age going up…she prefers to think about how great it would be that as soon as you reach 50 years old instead of your age going up it starts going down…oh well.

Shaking her head, Barbara tightened her grip on her Wal-Mart bag.

_Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!_

Barbara dug her hand into her pocket to retrieve her (sad) flip phone.

She (sadly) flipped open her phone to find a text message from above and behold…Artemis.

_Hurry up Babs dress shopping is __**killing **__me! _Read the text.

Barbara chuckled at the message, no doubt Artemis was detesting dress shopping and no doubt M'gann was taking advantage of the situation at finally getting the chance of putting Artemis in a long white gown, M'gann was surely loving the situation.

Barbara put her phone away and quickly hauled a taxi, stepped in and gave direction for the Bridal Shop.

Whatever thought that lingered in her mind about the whole pregnancy thing disappeared from her mind with the closing of the taxi door.

She didn't regret it.

But a small voice in the back of her mind kept repeating in a small, weak voice: You wanted this.

**A/N: YEP NOT VERY INTERESTING BUT I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUHGTS.I GOT THIS IDEA WHEN I WAS YOU KNOW BROWSING AND I RELIEZED THERE WASN'T MANY PREGNANT STORIES ABOUT BARBARA AND HER SO TO SAY PREGANCY JOURNEY SO I DECIDED TO MAKE ONE.**

**I KNOW IN THIS CHAPTER I MADE IT SEEM SHE WASN'T PREGANT BUT DON'T WORRY THAT WILL HAPPEN SOON.**

**ALSO I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU GUYS WOULDN'T FLAME ME IM STILL QUITE NEW TO THIS SO THANKS.**

**PLEASE REVIEW AND IF YOU KNOW ANY INFO I NEED TO KNOW PLEASE TELL ME.**

**SINCERELY CHIPMUNK**


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